They Say Love is Eternal
by Wildly Obsessed
Summary: Joss left us hanging. This is my take on what happened after the series finales of both BTVS and Angel, a few weeks after Not Fade Away and over a year after Chosen. BuffyAngel, WillOz.
1. Chapter 1

**Eternal Lovers**

"But I love you," choked out Buffy. It was the last thing she said to Angel, her soul mate, and her love. His face full of sorrow, he said softly, "I know." Angel closed his eyes and turned around and walked away from the one thing that made his eternal life worth living, leaving Buffy to cry silently. It shattered his heart to leave her, to hurt her, but he had no choice. They could never be together. She was the Vampire Slayer…he was a vampire. Despite the fact that he was not an ordinary cruel vampire, despite the fact that he alone among his species had a soul, their lives were too different. For years, Buffy and Angel had tried their hardest to make it work, to defy the inevitable. And for a while, they had succeeded. The wake up call came when Buffy finally gave herself completely to Angel, the incident that lead to the one moment of perfect happiness Angel had had in his entire vampire existence, the incident that lead to the loss of his soul. That one night lead to a chain of monstrous occurrences, ending in Buffy being forced to impale the one man she had ever loved. It was made all the more painful by the fact that Angel, at the moment of his stabbing, had had his soul once more. Even though Angel did return from the hell dimension Buffy had sent him to, things could never be the same. They could not succeed in being just friends, they were meant for each other and could not be apart. So Angel painfully decided to leave Sunnydale forever and move to the City of Angels, Los Angeles.

That was five years ago. Angel was still in L.A, doing his best to help the helpless in the hopes of one day finding his own redemption and saving himself. Angel had a son, though vampires physically cannot have children, but gave him up and changed reality so that his son could have a better life, one without the suffering with Angel had provided. A painful feat as in order to that, Angel made his son forget all of his previous life, including his father. Buffy had overcome a terrible evil, the worst she had ever encountered, and had succeeded in creating an amazing phenomena; she had broken the boundaries of the rules of Slayerdom. Where once it was stated that 'There would be one girl in all the world to fight the vampires and stop the swell of their evil…' Buffy had succeeded in making any and all potential slayers, real, actual slayers. Now hundreds of girls and women worldwide had slayer abilities. She and her crew helped to find these girls and train them. In the process, she had also managed to destroy Sunnydale's hell mouth (along with all of Sunnydale), thereby destroying an amazing source of evil. That was a year ago. No one was quite sure where in the world she was now. Buffy had never fully gotten over Angel, he was her soul mate and she would never, could never, stop loving him. Nonetheless, she moved on to different relationships, her most recent one being Spike, once a viscous vampire but tamed by a chip, who had managed to get himself a soul too. Angel was not the only one with a soul any more. Spike loved Buffy with all his heart but the love was not returned. Buffy had used him, trying to rid herself of her overwhelming self-loathing. Spike helped Buffy save the world, sacrificing his own life. Oddly enough, he returned to Earth as a sort of ghost a while later. He was bound to L.A. and hung around Angel and his crew, though Spike and Angel utterly despise each other. Both love Buffy. Both lost her.

Buffy was what Angel was thinking about as he ran into battle alongside his friends. A battle that seemed impossible to win. But they had narrowly won, thanks to the help of Willow at the very last moment. She had come when the battle was nearly over and had worked her powerful magic and saved them all. At least, all who were still alive at that point. Angel had sat in a deserted building a while later, tending his wounds and the wounds of his friends. It was a major battle and everyone was quite seriously injured. Angel and his group had just defeated the Black Thorn, an immensely powerful evil demon organization, and they had paid the price. They had lost people in the fight. Wesley was gone. Lorne had left L.A. Spike was a step away from being dust. Fred…well Fred's soul had disappeared months ago, leaving behind the creature that took her life, the creature that still had Fred's image: Alleria. Gun needed hospital care. Lindsay, well, Angel had ordered him dead. And Angel himself had blood all over, he couldn't put any weight on one of his legs, his face had deep gashes, his back was cut open, and he was stabbed right through the heart, which is very lucky for him as a sword through the heart would've killed any other creature except for Angel's species the vampire. Only a wooden stake through the heart, a beheading, or direct sunlight can kill them. Even so, Angel was still in immense, immense, pain. Thank God for Willow, she was one of the most powerful Wicca's known in the world so far.

Two weeks passed. Angel was pretty much healed as one of the perks to being a vampire meant super fast healing abilities. All except for the sword through his heart. The sword was out now but his chest was still very much in pain. Spike, too, was doing okay. In fact, everyone was healing right up except for Alleria. She had dove right into the battle and had come out barely alive. Willow almost saved her but Alleria herself asked her not to. She was upset by Wesley's death up to the point where she just wanted to pass. She said she fought well, and avenged Wes so her time was past.

"She misses you, you know," Willow said gently, as she helped Angel change his bandages. The cut was nearly gone. Angel looked up quickly. There was no doubt in his mind who Willow was referring to. This was really the first time Willow was able to talk to Angel; the whole fight was slowly easing away now.

"She does?" Angel asked.

"Of course…" Willow smiled.

"Well she's dating that guy. Spike and I saw her dancing with him. And Andrew confirmed it. Even though I was supposed to wait for her to bake, which it looks like she has. Cookie dough my ass." Angel scoffed.

"She's single right now," Will said, casting him an odd look at the whole cookie dough thing. "And you know she never stopped loving you."

Angel looked down, "We made a decision to move on."

"But things are different now," Willow said. "She's not _the_ slayer any more. She's just one slayer among many."

"But I'm still a vampire. And she still is _a _slayer. She's still busy. She has a life to live," Angel said softly.

"Which she would die to live with you," Willow insisted.

Angel closed his eyes painfully. He remembered that time, years ago, when Buffy nearly did die to be with him. He was human after a demon's blood mixed with his own and Buffy and him had automatically taken advantage of that fact. But then the same demon attacked and without his demonic strength, he couldn't defeat it himself and Buffy had endangered herself to save him. Angel realized that if he remained human, Buffy would be forced to continue endangering herself and the world by having to save him. He was a liability. He discovered that if things kept happening like they were, Buffy would die saving him. So he went to the oracles and changed the past, sacrificing his dream, all the human pleasures, and his relationship with Buffy, to save her. No one remembered that day except him. He alone carried that burden of what could've been. He knew the moment the circumstances were right, Buffy would fly into his arms. At least, she would've a few years ago.

"I know," he said, getting up.

"Besides, didn't you just save the world again? I know that prophesy about you regaining your humanity after saving the world-" Willow started.

Angel swallowed hard and clenched his fists, "I signed away that fate."

"What!" Willow exclaimed.

"I signed away any chance of that prophecy occurring," Angel said, each word torture. "I had to in order to save the world in the first place. Besides, I've saved it so many times and unless you haven't noticed, I'm still a vampire." It hurt so much more because Buffy wasn't the only slayer any more. If she were, it wouldn't matter if he was human or not. If he was human and she was still the one slayer, he would endanger her life. If they were together in those circumstances, Buffy, along with the world, would suffer great peril. But she wasn't any more and any chance he'd be human again were slim to none. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Single, is she?" Spike spoke up. He was sitting not too far away.

"Yeah and fully unaware that you're alive," Will said, "Why didn't you call or something?"

"'Cause she doesn't want me too. All I do is complicate her life." Spike said.

"She'd want to know you're okay. Remember how she nearly died herself to be with you to the last?" Will said.

"Does she miss _me_?" he asked.

"She talks about how much you've changed and how she's upset that things turned out like that…" Will said.

Spike grinned. "Hear that, Broody? Buffy misses me too."

"She may miss you but she loves me," Angel said snappishly.

"_Loved_," Spike said.

"Loves," Willow said quietly.

"And even if she _loved _me it's still way more than what you've got. She was with me because she cared about me. She was with you because she didn't care about herself. Buffy never loved you," Angel blurted. Spike's eyes darkened and he said nothing, only leaving the room. Angel sighed. He hadn't meant to be so harsh but it was Spike's own fault by acting as if he honestly thought his relationship with Buffy even held a candle to Angel and Buffy's. It was the truth.

"You didn't have to be so blunt," Willow said softly, watching Spike leave.

"You've seen what he's like! Even after getting a soul he's still the same old Spike. He helped the First kill off slayerettes," Angel said. "He wasn't any help in Sunnydale except for the whole necklace thing, which, I might add, _I _brought and which _I _was planning to wear. And ever since he came to Wolfram Hart he's made life hell for all of us. And I've heard about what he did to Buffy. It's nothing he doesn't deserve."

"You know perfectly well that the First has powerful persuasion skills! It got to you too! And he died to save us all!" Willow countered.

"When the First tried to get me to kill Buffy I decided that I'd rather kill myself," Angel said evenly, "Unlike dear William. And I've saved the world _way _more times than Spike!"

"You've had hundreds of years to deal with the guilt of your murders and to develop your conscience. Spike had a few weeks." She said.

"Yeah. I spent a freakin' century wandering around the world crazily, starving myself, hating myself, almost to the brink of death before I finally became what I am now, and Spike spent a few weeks rambling around a school basement and suddenly he's peachy keen!" Angel said, his voice low, "You wanna explain that one?" Willow fell silent and finished up with the bandage.

"I'm sorry," Will said.

"Nah, it's okay, I'm just cranky. I guess I should try to be civil with him. I just can't believe that Buffy is still alive after the First, I'm still alive after the Black Thorn, and we still are oceans apart." He sighed.

"Why don't you call her or something? She's on vacation right now," Will suggested.

"She didn't call me after defeating the First…" Angel said.

"Because she was busy. She's not anymore and she thinks that you've moved on. She knows about you and that woman." Will said.

"Werewolf like Oz," Angel nodded, "But we're through. Have been for a good while."

"Then call her. You two know how much you want to see each other but you're both too scared to make the first move! Honestly. It won't hurt if you two just have coffee or something," Willow said.

"Uh huh. And it didn't hurt that you and Oz just talked in your dorm room, did it?" Angel said. Willow looked down. "You understand…I know you do, that just being around her, it's enough to…" He paused. "There's nothing saying that it's going to be just coffee."

"Yeah. I understand." Willow said.

"I'm glad you're here, Will," Angel said after a beat.

"Me too," she smiled. "When have you _ever _called me Will?"

"Getting less broody by the minute," he grinned. "By the way, how's the Kennedy front?"

Will brightened, "We're doing really well. She's so wonderful. She makes me feel…like how Tara used to make me feel." Angel smiled softly. He knew that Tara and Willow used to be very close…it was her death that brought out dark Willow.

Willow finished up with the bandages and stood up. "Call her." She said firmly, moving on to help Gunn.

Angel stood up and put his shirt back on. He walked out of the room and saw Spike sitting on the stairs. He was looking fairly fumy.

"Bugger off," He said, not looking up.

"Look, Spike. I was harsh earlier. Buffy-. Oh hell, whatever, I was right and you should live with the truth." Angel said.

"If that was your idea of an apology…" Spike snapped his head up. "I know what she feels. But you don't need to remind me every chance you get. I don't remind you about how I got to bed her more times than you'll ever bed any woman in your life time-she's quite good, you know. Or rather you don't, seeing as though jumping her once made you get all freaky-"

Angel whipped across the hall to Spike and grabbed his throat, fangs out and ready. "Don't you ever talk about her like that!" He growled.

"Awww. Is someone a little grouchy because they can't sleep with the slayer?" Spike taunted.

Angel tightened his grip on Spike's throat and punched him hard across the face. "I thought you had more respect for her than this-" Another punch. "Guess I was wrong. _Over_ estimated you." A strong kick in the gut.

Willow came out upon hearing the noise. "Oh my God! Stop it! Angel!" She yelled, pulling Angel off of Spike.

"Dirty bastard!" Angel cursed.

"It's right and proper for you to get jealous, mate. I would be to. You being all cursed and all while here I am, can't lose my soul, no matter how happy I get," he laughs.

Angel hit him again then walked away.

"What the hell did you say?" Willow exclaimed.

"What? It's my fault? He starts hitting me and it's my fault?" Spike said, looking offended.

"You provoked him some how, Spike," Willow rolled her eyes.

"Hey, we were having a nice conversation about Buffy when suddenly he's on me, whipping my face." Spike said, shrugging.

"Uh huh." Willow said sarcastically, walking off.

"Hey! Aren't you going to 'tend to my wounds' or something?" Spike called.

"You can wipe up a bloody nose yourself," Willow said as she disappeared behind the doors leading back into the room.

"I think I liked her better when she was scared of me," Spike scowled.

Angel was walking outside, seething. He couldn't believe that Spike would speak of Buffy like that. From what he was told, it really seemed that Spike truly loved her too. "Arrogant, perverted jackass," Angel muttered.

After a while, Gunn came out looking for him. Angel sighed and followed him back to the abandoned hotel.

Within the hour, Spike had walked up to Angel and said, "Hey, you know I didn't mean what I said. You know I love her as much as you do-"

"No. You really don't." Angel snapped.

"Okay, shut up Broody 'cause I normally don't apologize. Generally when people piss me off I retort likewise. And you piss me off more than any other creature on this planet so I might have been a tad strong." Spike said.

"People generally don't diss people they love to make someone else mad," Angel said.

"Whatever." Spike coughed.

"Talk trash about Buffy again and you'll find yourself headless," Angel said with a sharp edge in his voice.

"Mate, I won't. I just got caught up in the moment. You did get rather heated…" Spike said, grinning.

"And if you cared about her at all you would be disgusted in yourself for saying those things." Angel snapped.

"Which I am. Let's move on then, shall we?" Spike said.

"Whatever." Angel said, walking off.


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy sat on her bed feeling quite lonely. Xander had gone with Giles to check on the Slayers in Ireland and Willow was in LA. Kennedy and the rest of the former Slayerettes were in various places worldwide, helping to train the other new slayers. Anya was gone. Faith and Wood were off in Australia, on vacation. And so that left Buffy all by herself in the UK.

She almost went to L.A. with Willow but knew that Will and Angel would be able to take care of any apocalyptic events just fine by themselves and she wasn't sure if Angel wanted to see her. After all, according to Andrew, Angel had gone to Europe to quote unquote 'save' her and had found out about her relationship with one of Angel's former rivals. They weren't together anymore but from what Andrew had said, the news had made Angel quite upset. He also said that Spike was still alive but she knew that was impossible, she had seen him die. Andrew had said that Angel was distraught and mentioned something about cookie dough. That made Buffy even more depressed. She had given this speech about not being ready for another relationship, using a cookie dough analogy. She felt as if she had betrayed him some how. The relationship wasn't even a relationship; it was a few dates because she was feeling lonely. Angel was obviously unhappy with her. Word got to _Willow_ that they needed reinforcements big time but there was no word on having _Buffy_ go. Will had exasperatedly explained that it wasn't Angel asking for her, it was sources saying that trouble was brewing. That didn't help any.

Buffy couldn't help thinking of Angel. No matter how many relationships she had or will ever have, she knew that she would never feel for anyone like she felt and still feels for Angel. True, she had accepted the fact that they couldn't be together. But she still loved him more than any other man.

Suddenly, the phone rang, disrupting Buffy from her thoughts. Buffy was actually grateful for it, the silence had become deafening.

"Hello?" She said.

"Hey," a familiar yet unrecognizable voice said. "Is Willow there?"

"Oh, uh, sorry but she isn't. Who's this?" Buffy said, a little puzzled. This was a guy and the only guy that would be calling for Willow, Xander, knew that she wasn't here.

"Oh, it's Oz." The voice said.

"Omigawd." Buffy exclaimed. "This is Buffy!"

"Oh, hey," Oz drawled, "How are you?"

"Good. How are you? Controlling the werewolf thing and all still?" Buffy asked cheerily.

"Yeah, it's going well." Oz said.

"How'd you get this number?" Buffy asked.

"I saw this girl beating the crap out of this demon and I thought 'whoa, slayer!' but it wasn't you. But the girl knew you and Willow and gave this number." Oz said.

"Oooh. So you know about the whole multi-slayer thing now," Buffy said.

"Yeah." Oz said. "Uh, listen, do you know when Willow get's back?"

"I don't but I can give you the number of where she's currently staying," Buffy suggested.

"Where is she staying?" Oz asked.

"With Angel in L.A," Buffy said.

"Oh, really?" Oz said. "Well, uh, just tell Willow hello for me. And to (Oz paused and took in a breath) Tara too."

Buffy was silent then said. "Oz…Tara…Tara died."

"Oh!" Oz said. Pause. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. She's with Kennedy now, a slayer." Buffy said.

"Oh…" he answered, put out.

"Why don't you call her?" she asked.

"No…I don't want to cause any conflict in her new relationship. I think I made things difficult when Tara met me, I don't want to do the same this time." Oz said.

"Oz, she's always going to care about you." Buffy said, trying to comfort him.

"Yeah But I left and broke her heart and she trampled on mine when I came back," Oz sighed.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said. "So, where are you? What's up these days?"

"Actually, I got to go. It was nice catching up though, Buffy. You were a good friend. I miss you. Bye."

Buffy was a little touched but Oz had hung up before she could answer. Wow, thought Buffy, that was the longest conversation she had _ever_ had with Oz… He wasn't a talkative person at all. She hadn't spoken to him in years. Talking to Oz reminded Buffy once more of her life just a few years ago at Sunnydale High. In some ways they were the worst years of her life but in others they were the very best. Having Angel around her every day was something that she had taken for granted then but never again. She smiled, remembering all the times she was supposed to be patrolling with Angel and made out with him instead. She sighed. After all these years, Buffy still ached for his touch.

That night, Buffy had a fitful sleep, reliving the best and worst moments she had had with Angel. Most of the things she shared with Angel were both happy and horrific- their first kiss was also the first time Buffy had found out that Angel was a vampire. The first time Buffy slept with him, he had lost his soul.

Buffy woke with a start. She swallowed and immediately picked up the phone and dialled the number Willow had given to her. She called Angel for the first time in at least two years.

"Hello?" It was Willow who picked up.

"Hi," Buffy said.

"Omg Buffy! Do you want to talk to Angel?"

Buffy paused and quickly changed her mind, "I called to talk to you, Will."

"Oh. Is everything all right? It's got to be, like, three AM in Britain," Will said.

"Fine. I just had a dream and…"

"What was in it? Anything apocalyptic?" Willow asked nervously.

"No! Nothing like that. Will, Oz called,"

"What! In your dream?"

"Real life."

"Oh, God…"

"He says hi. He wanted to talk to you."

"Oh…"

"Oz wishes the best of luck to you and Kennedy,"

"You told him?"

"Well, yeah."

"He's so sweet!"

"He really is."

Silence.

"Angel's doing good. He's not dead."

"I never thought he was in any real danger. I mean, it's Angel. The guy's practically invincible."

"You died twice and you find it hard to believe that Angel could die! There was a huge horde of demons. He nearly did die."

"So how's werewolf lady?"

"They broke up, apparently."

"Oh."

"Buffy, talk to him, you know you want to. I _know_ that's why you called."

"I can't. It's been years. I've moved on and I know he has too. There's no use torturing us."

"You realize that through the years, the only contact you've had is to save the world from something?"

"That was the point of him leaving Sunnydale."

"Spik-" A muffled noise interrupted her.

"What was that?"

"Let me tell-" Another noise.

"Willow?"

"It's nothing. Look, if Oz calls again tell him I miss him, okay?"

"Yeah. I got to go. Bye."


	3. Chapter 3

A few days passed when Oz actually did call Willow.

"Hello?" Willow said.

"Hi," he said simply.

Willow made a strangled noise, "Oh, God Oz!" He knew who was speaking and so did she.

"I'm sorry if this is weird…but…" Oz said.

"No, I've been hoping for you to call. Buffy told me you called her and I've been praying to hear from you, too," Willow said.

"That's good. Uh, how are you?" Oz asked.

"Not too bad. Oz, I really want to see you again…our last encounter wasn't hat great but…gosh, I miss you!" Willow exclaimed.

"So it wouldn't be weird if I came to see you?" asked Oz cautiously.

"Heck no!" Will grinned.

"I'm really glad you said that," Oz said softly. Suddenly, the door behind Willow opened and Oz entered the room. "I didn't want to just spring it on you…"

"So you call me when you're already outside of the building?" Will laughed, hugging him.

"Well, I called Angel first and he said it'd be okay…" Oz murmured, with a shrug.

"What? Angel-" Willow said.

"I told him not to tell you," Oz said.

"It's so great to see you," Willow smiled, looking over her ex-boyfriend.

The two looked at each other in silence for a few minutes but then Oz pulled back.

"I don't know if coming here was the best idea," he looked down.

"Sure it is!" Will assured him.

"So can we still be, you know, friends?" Oz queried.

"Of course," she smiled. As Willow led Oz to Angel, Gunn, and Spike, she couldn't help but feel hundreds of times better.

Oz stiffened and backed away when he spotted Spike. Spike raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes.  
"I'm _good_ now! Why the hell don't people _get_ that?" Spike grumbled.

"Oh, right, yeah he's not evil any more. In fact, he's not really alive. Oh, I guess he wasn't really ever alive…but he's supposed to be dead. Not just vampire-dead but dead. He came back as a ghost and…right. He's not bad anymore." Willow explained.

"Right…" Oz still didn't move any closer to him.

"Look, if Willow and _Angel_ for bloody sake can accept the fact that I'm not evil, I don't see how it's so hard for you wolf-boy," Spike snapped.

"Yeah, he's even got a soul and everything," Willow supplied.

"Like Angel?" Oz said, surprised.

"No, _not_ like me. I was cursed-" Angel started.

"Don't even get the bloke started," Spike rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry," Willow smiled, taking Oz's arm.

Oz looked past Spike and asked Angel, "Wasn't Cordelia with you guys?"

"She's…she's gone." Angel said quietly.

"Oh. I'm sorry…" Oz said awkwardly. "What about Wes?"

"Gone." Angel repeated.

"Oh…" Oz muttered.

A beat passed and then Willow changed the subject, "So, are you hungry?"

Oz nodded. Willow led him to the kitchen and got him some food.

"Are they really gone?" He said in awe.

"Yeah." Willow said. "Fred too."

Silence.

"So how are you?" Willow asked.

"I think that I've really got the werewolf thing under control now. I wouldn't have come otherwise." Oz said. "I'm sorry about last time."

"No, it was my fault. I should have just told you I was involved with someone. It's just that seeing you there… A part of me did want to be with you again." Will replied. "So are you involved with anyone?"

"No." He shrugged.

They continued talking for a long while.


	4. Chapter 4

The days slipped by and Oz didn't have any impulse to leave. He and Willow were getting along so well and everyone was so familiar that Oz just felt as if he'd been welcomed into their lives once more. One look at Willow's brightened face when he entered a room was enough to make him want to stay. He'd never hurt her again.

* * *

Meanwhile, Angel's mind was constantly on Buffy. He and the gang had succeeded in damaging the big bad once again and somehow Angel didn't want to look for another fight. All these years he'd put aside his love for the good of those around him. He'd hidden all the pain, the longing, the sadness. Angel just didn't know if he could keep it up much longer.

That was why, somehow, Angel found himself standing outside of a rustic looking building. He had no excuses not to go, everything was fine in L.A, there was nothing that needed his attention. Nothing but the pressing ache in his heart that had been screaming in pain for the past six years. It couldn't be delayed any longer. Angel took an empty breath and walked into the building. He glanced around the gloomy darkness and sniffed the air. Through the musky ancient smell of wood, Angel easily picked up on the scent that had once been so familiar to him. Whenever he was lonely, whenever he let his thoughts wander, this was the sweet smell that always wafted through his imagination.

Buffy stiffened. She could feel the presence of someone in the room with her. A vampire. She silently gripped the pencil she was holding and waited for the creature to approach her. A beat passed and then Buffy flew around and flung out her arm with deadly precision. Angel just barely stopped the pencil with his hand and looked down. The pencil's tip had poked a hole in his shirt and was just about to graze his skin.

Buffy let out a gasp and let go of the makeshift stake.

"Sorry. I should know better than to attempt to sneak up on a slayer," Angel smiled.

"God! This has got to be the fiftieth time I've nearly killed you!" she swallowed, "Announce your presence or next time you might not be fast enough!" She didn't really know what to say. His being there was such a shock to her.

"Hello to you to," Angel said. "And don't you worry. I'll always be faster." Buffy broke out into a grin and somewhat stiffly gave Angel a brief hug.

"How come you never call?" Buffy poked him. "You nearly died and you can't even give me a shout out?"

"Actually, it would've been your place to call. I didn't want to impose. When you didn't call after you lived through the First, I sort of thought you didn't want to talk. I mean, I got that you finished baking and decided who it was you wanted to…uh, enjoy you and it wasn't me." Angel shrugged.

"I should have called. I'm sorry, you were the one who brought the amulet that saved us and everything…I should have called." Buffy apologized. "But, I actually am not with anyone right now, I guess you could say I'm a very slow cookie."

"Listen Buffy, I know I probably shouldn't have come here, but I just needed to see you. Oz came over and I just felt nostalgic for good ol' Sunnydale. I don't think you realize how much I miss you. I'm probably out of line right now, but it's been over a year since we've seen each other. We've both escaped death once again and- it just wouldn't be right for us not to see each other. We're like strangers now, and I can't stand that." Angel told her.

"I think that could be one of the longest things you've said to me," Buffy joked. She gave him another hug but it was much warmer than the first one. "I've missed you too, Angel." Buffy put her hand over his and continued, "And don't think I haven't been thinking about you. I've heard about your werewolf girlfriend."

"Ex." Angel corrected.

"Oh, that's too bad." Buffy said sympathetically.

"Buffy, why can't we try to be friends again?" Angel looked into her eyes. "We're both older now and circumstances have changed…we've got more will power. Not being near you is driving me insane."

Buffy's blue eyes melted and she took his face in her hands and laid a sweet kiss upon his lips. The feeling of his lips on her drove the kiss further, more passionate. It was filled with hunger and driven by the longing that had developed over the past year apart. With a twang, Buffy pulled back.

"Why can't we be friends? That's why." She looked down. "We'll never be able to be friends, Angel, you know that. After all this time I still love you more than ever. After all this time, I still want to be with you. After all this time, I still feel like a high school girl deeply in love."

"Buffy…" Angel brushed her cheek.

"This is the way of the world. Nothing is ever easy or fair." Buffy entwined her fingers in his hand that was against her cheek. "God Angel, I need you more than ever, with you around everything hurts so much but without you I'm not whole!" A few tears dropped from her clear cerulean eyes onto his cold hand.

Angel bent to kiss the tears away and reassured her with soft words, "You've always been so strong, Buffy. You can last through pretty much anything… Don't worry. It's not possible for you to crumble."

"I'm tired of being strong," she said in a small voice. "I was strong when my mom died. I was strong when my own friends turned me out onto the streets. I was strong my whole life. I just want it to stop. I'm not the one slayer anymore, why can't things be right? Why can't we be together? I've done my duty, for Christ's sake!"

Angel held her in his arms and kissed her forehead, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I…I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain."

Buffy shifted closer to him and shook her head. "If you didn't come, my cowardly self probably never would have gotten the guts to call you. I wanted to, of course."

"You're many things but a coward is a far cry from any of them," Angel smiled.

"Will it always be so hard between us?" Buffy asked rhetorically with a sad sigh.

Angel stroked her arm and tried to commit the feeling of this woman in his arms, knowing full well it could be another year before he had this chance again. She was so beautiful, so courageous, so wonderful. Even in the darkest of times, she always had a witty quip to make a smile tug upon his brooding lips. It broke his heart to know that the tears she shed, the hurt she harboured, was due in part to his being there. It was selfish to come down, he just wanted to see her to relieve his own pain, not knowing the pain it would inflict upon her. Angel kissed her lips again, never wanting to leave her side. She was his light, his true love. And now that he was here, would he be able to gather the strength to leave her side once more?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** There are some scenes in here that are, as the story already states, PG 13, or T.

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The morning dawned on the former, but never really ex, lovers. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms and Angel hated the fact that he couldn't be with her every night. They had spent barely any time together at all on this visit, and after the insanely long wait in between the times that they last saw each other, Angel was extremely pissed at the prospect of leaving. It was killing him to think about the fact that he very nearly died two weeks ago, and the love of his life hadn't spoken to him in over a year. Why did all things crappy have to happen? After everything that Angel fought for, Connor still ended up remembering the life Angel so dearly wanted to gift him with forgetting, he still lost some of his closest friends through the years, every relationship he'd ever had crashed and burned, he saved the world countless times and in the process lost any chance of becoming human, which was ironically the terms to him becoming human in the first place. Everything Angel touched turned to ash; every person he had met on a personal level came out worse and more tinged with pain after the experience than before it.

"What's wrong?" Buffy's quiet voice broke through the vampire's thoughts. He hadn't noticed that she was awake.

Angel gave her a comforting smile but didn't respond.

"I've known you for nearly a decade. And maybe that's not a lot in comparison to your nearly three hundred years alive but to me that means I've known you for almost as long as I haven't. So don't try to patronize me with that smile, I know something's bothering you." Buffy somewhat crossly said.

Angel let out a small laugh, but seeing her eyes full of her signature stubbornness, he admitted, "I was just thinking…"

"Nothing good can come from you starting a sentence like that." Buffy flatly interjected.

Angel flashed her another smile but continued on, "I was thinking and you want to know what the truth is? Nothing I've done has turned out completely right, for all my intentions I've done more bad than good."

"You spent most of your vampire life as a soulless monster, and most of your human life as a drunken immature Irish jerk." Buffy stated.

"Tell me how this is going to make me feel better?" Angel raised an eyebrow.

"I'm getting to that." She grinned. "You may have spent a good chunk of time being a bad ass but when it comes down to it, you've been the best person I've ever seen. Angelus was a beast. You are not. There is a clear difference, Angel. Your soul makes you who and what you are, and since getting it you've tried, worked on, done, so much good. And you've never once hesitated in sacrificing your own happiness, well being, even life, to help those around you."

"First of all, for a while after I got my soul I was pretty much a rat-eating hobo." Angel pointed out. "And despite anything I may have wanted or tried, people have still died and been hurt since I walked in their lives. No one who knows me can say that they haven't had some awful things happen to them since they met me."

"You are such a drama queen." Buffy lightly swatted his arm. "Shit happens. You can't say that anything bad that's happened to people you know is your fault."

"A lot of it is." He shrugged, giving her a look at the drama queen remark.

"You really can't have a conversation like this to me and expect me to agree with you. So stop trying to convince me, because I think you're forgetting who you're talking to." She smiled.

"You're the clear example of what I'm saying is right." Angel sighed. "Buffy, you know how much I love you, you know how much I would rather shoulder every sadness that you've ever had for myself. But after I came to you, I broke your heart, led you to running away, led a certain duo of vampires into town that until recently bothered the crap out of you, and started you on your path to being cynical and shutting your heart off."

"You're not getting it, are you? You're going to make me spell it out." She shook her head and looked down at her hands in a shy gesture she hadn't resorted to in years. "It's because of your love that I've made it through this far. You gave me the strength to carry on; you supported me when I was first starting out as a slayer. It wasn't your fault that I was immature and ran away. It wasn't your fault that Dru is a creepy and insane, and if I hadn't been forced to push you into a hell dimension, which by the way, is worse than anything you could ever do to me, I would never have been able to have the strength to make tough choices that I'd have to inevitably make. The fact is I wouldn't be who I am today if you weren't in my life. I'd probably not even be alive; you've saved my life every time I needed to have it saved. You've saved my life in every way that I _could _possibly have it saved."

"You've been watching Titanic, haven't you?" Angel smirked.

"Shut up, DiCaprio is hot." Buffy said defensively. "Look, the point I'm trying to drive into that skull of yours is, do you really think I'd ever wish that I'd never met you? Even the darkest of times can't overshadow the light you shone on my world. Tell me, do you wish that you had never met me?"

"Of course not," he answered. "But sometimes I wonder if you would have been better off."

"Stop guilting yourself, it's things like this that's led you into becoming such a broody tortured person. I wouldn't change a thing in our history of knowing each other, except perhaps I would have tried harder to make you stay in Sunnydale, or booked a flight to LA right when you left and dragged your ass back." She told him with a small smile.

"You would've kept the whole losing-your-virginity-and-subsquently-causing-me-to-lose-my-soul-and-become-a-sadistic-monster thing?" Angel crossed his arms.

"That was really crappy." Buffy said thoughtfully. "And I wish with all my heart that I could have changed the way that ended… if Will had completed the spell just a moment faster or I had been able to delay you for just that extra moment… But, and here's a little ego boost for you, I've never had a night that great in my life."

"You're saying sleeping with me was worth all that?" Angel raised his eyebrows in disbelief, though a self-satisfied smirk was working its way onto his features.

"So, how long can you stay here?" Buffy brightly asked. The downcast look on his face spoke volumes. "…You're staying at least until the end of the week, right?"

"Buffy…" Angel looked down.

"Don't 'Buffy' me, we barely hung out and I'll knock you unconscious if you try to leave earlier than a week." She threatened.

"On any other girl, that'd be an empty threat," he laughed. "Look, I'd love to stay but I've got to get back-"

"Why? From what I've heard, Willow's got things under control and there isn't anything that needs doing. You're just trying to make up an excuse to leave."

"You're right, I am. Because this isn't a good idea. The longer I stay the harder it will be to leave and the worse it'll make us both feel." Angel flatly told her. "I thought about staying for a bit longer but after talking to you, I realize I just can't."

"Angel-" she protested.

"It'll be too hard." He swallowed, his eyes betraying the pain he was feeling.

"You just got here." She murmured, looking like a little girl who just got told that Santa wasn't real.

"I'm sorry, Buffy." Angel sighed.

"It's broad day light, you can't leave anyways." She said, switching to logic.

Angel gestured to his huge leather duster. "This'll provide enough cover, there's an underground tunnel that's not too far from here."

"I don't understand why you can't just stay a few more hours until the sun sets." She crossed her arms.

"I'll see you around."

"Don't you fucking say that!" Buffy snapped, her temper officially ignited. She grabbed onto his arm and yanked him back onto the bed. "Last time you left it took over a year for you to see me again and I'm not some girl you took on a date and are now proceeding to shake off, don't say that to me."

"I'll call." He promised. Buffy narrowed her eyes and twisted his arm around.

"Stay until the sun sets." She ordered.

"You've gotten _mean_." He commented.

"I miss you." She shrugged, expertly keeping a knee on him so that he couldn't use his legs either.

"Fine. I'll stay. But when I leave at sunset, you can't try to get me to stay." Angel caved.

"Fine." She smiled. Both of them knew that he could've gotten Buffy off of him, her grip wasn't tight because she didn't want to hurt him, but Angel didn't want to leave much, either, and though a part of him was exasperated at her somewhat childish tactics, most of him was pleased that she wanted him to stay that badly.

"So, what do you do around here?" Angel asked a whilelater after Buffy had quickly gotten the pair of them some coffee for her and some blood for him.

"In this musty old place? Mainly channel surf and call every number I know to check up on everyone." She said, sounding more than a little lonely. "I've been to each of the stores anywhere near here more times than I can count. And I'd like to take this opportunity to give you hell for not asking me togo down to L.A. when Will did."

"I didn't do the asking, I didn't even know Willow was going to be there!" Angel held his hands up. "And you're the one who shooed me off when I wanted to stay and help you out with the first."

"True." She relented.

"So, what do you want to do?" Angel cocked his head.

"There's not a lot to do," Buffy admitted. "And especially since our list is cut short since we happen to be able to turn almost any activity into a steamy one."

"That's not my fault." Angel grinned.

Buffy laughed. Then she suggested, "Wait. I think I know something that needs doing and that no one on this earth could make sexy."

"…What do you have in mind?" Angel cautiously asked.

A half hour later, Angel was on his hands and knees and groaning.

"I can't believe you wanted to _clean_." Angel exclaimed. (What were _you_ thinking it was?)

"It's got to be done, and hey, this way we can talk and be productive at the same time!" she cheerfully said from her perch on the windowsill.

"It looks like a thinly veiled attempt to make me do your dirty work." He pointed out.

"Oooh we should totally paint this room! I've got some brushes and paint just over there!" Buffy ignored his remark.

Angel gave the girl a look but picked up a brush. He couldn't say no to her. Besides, she looked really good in the clichéd overalls. The two worked for a few minutes, Angel grumbling and Buffy grinning when she suddenly tripped over the newspaper covering the ground and accidentally ran her brush over Angel's bare arm.

"Oh I'm so sorry-" she laughed. But she wasn't done falling yet and proceeded to elbow him in the arm before falling into him, causing both of them to fall hard on the floor.

"You've gotten so coordinated." Angel wryly commented.

"I'm still holding a wet brush." She cocked her eyebrow up and with an evil grin she put identical paint marks on both his cheeks. "The green really suits your skin tone."

Angel let out a laugh that turned into a string of laughter that infected Buffy into a fit too. Angel was a serious guy, so you've got to understand the rareness of the occasion. Then again, it wasn't usual you'd find him lying on his back with paint dripping down his face. He reached out and flicked some paint on Buffy's face while she was shaking with laughter and it turned into an all out paint war.

"What are we, six?" Buffy snorted as the two slipped to the ground upon realizing that the paint canister was officially empty. She had green and white paint streaks across her face, over her clothes, and decorating her shoes. Angel had wisely avoided dumping any on her hair.

"May as well be." Angel grinned as he leaned over the blonde and wrenched the brush out of her hand, lest she discover that there was still some paint on it. He looked down at her multi-coloured face and a genuine smile came onto his features and made him look years younger.

"You should really smile more often." Buffy said, stroking his cheek.

"I smile more when I'm with you then I do in a month." Angel remarked. He looked into her clear blue eyes and in a day where they had both lost most adult thoughts and given into childish impulses, he bent down and softly touched her lips with his own. He pulled back and smiled again at the girl, feeling happier than he had been in a long time. His eyes looked over her messy hair, the mischievous smile on her face, the colourful overalls… and with a jolt he realized she wasn't wearing a shirt underneath the loose overalls. "We shouldn't be doing this." He instantly said, looking away from the gorgeous blonde as he began to get up.

But Buffy's hand found his face and she pulled him back to her, kissing him back softly at first, the softness gave way to the feeling of loneliness a year of being apart brought upon them and in a heartbeat their lips were crushing against each others furiously. Feeling a bit as if this was as necessary to living as air itself, Buffy clung to the vampire and ran her hands through his mussed hair, her lips pressed against his in an intensely passionate technique. She took his hand and placed it in the middle of where her overalls ended and the skin beside her breast began. In a mad fire of desire, lust, and love, the two held on to each other, their hands wandering aimlessly yet with a determined purpose, their lips pressing everywhere and anywhere they could reach. This lasted for who knows how long, both of them were breathless and suddenly Buffy worked Angel's shirt off and caressed his bare chest. This was going very fast and very powerfully, heading into extremely dangerous territory.

Angel had slipped off the buckle of Buffy's overalls and was now pressed against her collar bone and working down. The woman, meanwhile, had her hands fidgeting with Angel's belt and she had undone it in a moment, her hands unbuttoning, unzippering, and pulling down his pants. It wasn't until her hands were dipping under the elastic to his boxers and the entire top half of her overalls were no longer covering her, his lips going over her, that Angel came to his senses. He pulled himself off of her, and gently took her hand in his and lifted it away.

With a jerk, he pushed off Buffy and managed to say, "We really can't do this-"

Buffy was trying to catch her breath and her hand was playing with Angel's still uncovered back.

"No-" Angel shook his head, tenderly turning back to face the girl and putting her buckles back on. "This-this is why I knew I had to leave earlier."

Buffy sat up and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's okay."

"No, it seriously isn't-" he shut his eyes and reopened them.

He kept his back turned on the girl as he pulled fresh clothes on and when he turned around again he found that she had on paint-free clothes as well.

"I'm sorry." He told her.

"No, don't apologize." Buffy shook her head. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone that far, when I knew you couldn't-"

"See, this is why you've got to be with someone else. You deserve to be with someone who can-" Angel painfully began.

Buffy just walked over to him and gave the man a tight hug. After a moment of this comforting silence, Buffy joked, "Even when I'm not a teenager anymore I'm still as hormonal as one. I guess this is what one calls going overboard."

"Balance doesn't register to us, I'm guessing." Angel softly said. "Either we go too far or we never see each other."

Buffy shut her eyes and a tear fell from her eyes. "I wish it wasn't like this."

"Me too." Angel said, swallowing heavily as he felt the tear drop from her face. Hating to see her in pain, Angel hoped to ease it by suggesting light-heartedly, "Do you want to see a movie?"

Buffy looked out past the curtains and said, "But the sun's set, you don't have to stay anymore."

"I know." Angel smiled. He held out his arm and gestured to the door. "How about it?"

"I'd love to." She answered, leaning against him.

"Let's pretend nothing is the way it is. Let's just be a young couple, in love, going out together. Just for tonight." Buffy pleaded.

The handsome vampire nodded and gave her a smile, wrapping his free arm around her shoulders protectively. If nothing else, Angel was going to give her as close to a normal date as he could.

In a moment, the two discussed brightly and evasively what kind of movie to see, both having become experts at ignoringwhat they didn't want to see through the years. They were okay with just enjoying each others company and for the moment, niether wanted to think about what nearly happened, and about Angel's departure which would be coming much too soon.

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**A/N:** I'm very sorry it took so bloody long for this to come up! Thanks for reviewing, I hope you guys are still interested in this story after all these months. The Oz/Will relationship will be mentioned again, I just wanted to focus on Buffy and Angel for now, but the focus will pan to L.A. 


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